AJ Urquidi


Gods of Silver, Gods of Gold

Featuring KJV Bible and Assorted Household Packages

 

i. Quality ingredients, it’s why taste is king:

            Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and topped with crisp, fresh ingredients, nothing beats the classic flavor of the sandwich that started it all.

 

ii. We’ve all been there, upon the rocks of the wild goats. That desperate search for those last crumbs at the bottom of the bag.

            The Lord judge between me and thee, and the Lord avenge me of thee: so delicious, so hard to reach, but oh so worth it. A lotta bit of yum but mine hand shall not be upon thee.

 

iii. Flavorful. Refreshing. Guaranteed. If you’re not fully satisfied, just return into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and we’ll replace it or give you your money back.

            Great quality. Great price. Guaranteed the wall of the city shall fall down flat. Take up the ark of the covenant, made with Niagara Grapes.

 

iv. Serving suggestion: for they were uncircumcised, shake well.

            And it came to pass, when they had done circumcising all the people, that they serve chilled or over ice.

 

v. Color swirls are a natural occurrence. For he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land, pasteurized for premium quality.

            And they said, recommend use by date on container or cap,

            and he said unto his daughters, refrigerate before serving, shake well before opening.

            And God heard their groaning, No lo compre a menos que la tapa y la banda protectora.

 

vi. Our stone gargoyle wards off modern day evil spirits such as chemical preservatives, additives & adjuncts, and the king of Babylon smote them.

            One taste of the one pillar was eighteen cubits and the chapiter upon it was brass, and you can tell he does his job very well.

 

vii . Our vendors follow good manufacturing practices to segregate ingredients to avoid cross contact with allergens,

            and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground made on equipment shared with milk, eggs, tree nuts & fish.

            And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered: facility processes peanuts.

 

viii. Oats have been cultivated for thousands of years, and I have also established my covenant with them, but it’s the ancient Greeks who deserve the credit for making the first “porridge” out of oats.

            Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh: after all, it’s not every day you find ready-to-heat-and-eat oatmeal in the freezer, and with a strong hand shall he drive them out of his land!

 

ix. Award winning taste! Ye shall utterly destroy all the delicious creamy strawberry swirls in our rich, award winning ice cream.             And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars, and burn their real California milk.

 

x. Due to possible risk of fire, all this evil has come upon us. As it is written in the law of Moses, never leave your toasting appliance or microwave unattended.

            If pastry is overheated, we have sinned and committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and frosting/filling can become extremely hot and could cause burns.

 

xi. Cuidado para niños: I am he that liveth, and was dead.

            While popcorn is a delicious snacking choice, it is never recommended to open the book, and to loose the seals thereof.

            And the great dragon was cast out, for infants or toddlers overcame him by the blood of the Lamb. And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death, as the popped kernels can pose a choking threat to their safety.

 

xii. Wholesome and nutritious by the meekness and gentleness of Christ. We set out to create a lower cost, great tasting cereal that competes with more expensive brands for we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves.

            For though we walk in the flesh, we save by limiting packaging and advertising costs, and focusing on quality; for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God.

            For though I should boast somewhat more of our authority, we pass those savings on to you!

 

xiii. Quality first. Thou shalt not sacrifice any bullock, or sheep, wherein is blemish, or any evilfavouredness.

            Our extra virgin is distinguished by a rich, robust flavor, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the Lord thy God.

            If oil catches fire, turn off heat and cover until cooled, do not use water, and all the people shall hear, and fear, and do no more presumptuously.

 

xiv. People with medical concerns should suffer me that I may speak; and after that I have spoken, check with their physician before using this or any dietary supplement.

            Yet shall he be brought to the grave, and shall keep out of the reach of children.

 

xv. No need to stir! She shall touch no hallowed thing, natural creamy.

            She shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, good source of Vitamin E. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female, proudly made in Arkansas.

 

xvi. And the word of the Lord came to Solomon, saying, turn a balanced breakfast into a tasty one, the height thereof thirty cubits.

            Spread my judgments on multigrain toast, then will I perform my word with thee, and I will dwell among the children of Israel, and will add a glass of milk and a serving of fruit.

            Do not refrigerate or microwave the ark of the covenant of the Lord. Questions?

            And Solomon sent to Hiram, saying, Like us on Facebook.

 

xvii. Ingredients: a land flowing with milk and honey.

            Do not feed to infants under one year of age and I will give this people favour in the sight of the Egyptians.

            And Moses answered and said, quality guaranteed or your money back.


Bio

AJ Urquidi hails from Monterey, California. He received his B.A. in Creative Writing and Film from UCLA, then studied guerrilla poetry for two years in the NYC streets. AJ's poems have appeared in Westwind, autolycus, L.A. Telephone Book, Bird's Thumb and CIRCLE. He is currently earning his M.F.A. from CSU Long Beach while editing the journals RipRap and American Mustard.